Loss vs. Gain

The past eight months have been a real struggle for me.  My self-esteem, pride, and emotions have taken a ride on what seems to be the craziest roller-coaster I’ve ever experienced.  Every time I would reach what I thought to be the bottom and start clawing my way back out, the bottom would fall out all over again, and I would land even deeper than before.  I have struggled to maintain a good outlook on life, and I spent a lot of time seriously questioning many of my beliefs.

Once I finally reached a point that I thought things could not get any worse, they did.  I found myself dealing with yet another obstacle and heartache.  Choices were made that affected not only my life, but my girls’ lives, as well, and we weren’t given a chance to voice our opinion about those choices and the changes to come.  This heartache affected me more than any of the others for many reasons, but mostly because it affected my daughters and I felt like the one person I could count on no matter what had deserted me when I needed them the most.

The struggle has continued through the spring and summer, and I have been working hard to keep myself together emotionally, physically, and mentally.  I have somewhat gotten back into a daily routine, which has helped, but mostly, I believe, my perspective about the challenges I’ve been faced with has changed.

I have moved on from the “I’ve lost everything important to me.” mindset to the “I have not lost anything that truly matters.” mindset.  I began to question myself as a person, a mother, a friend, and a daughter.  I have spent a lot of time exploring my identity and discovering exactly who I am.  Most importantly, I have realized that I have not lost anything that matters.

I have three beautiful, compassionate, and loving daughters.  We have a roof over our heads.  I have a sweet, lovable dog named Lucy.  Most of all, I have my life, my family, and my friends.  Nothing else matters – it’s just stuff.

Weekly Photo Challenge – Broken

Best Buddies

Lucy has made a new friend since we moved. She and my parents’ cat, Boots, became good friends as soon as Boots showed her who was boss. When one of their other cats, Fred, picks on Lucy, Boots comes to her rescue. They chase each other all over the house, and they can frequently be found snuggled up together napping.

From time-to-time, however, for reasons only known to him, Boots decides Lucy needs to be put in her place and shows her whats what.

Twenty minutes later, they’ll be snuggled up together again, happy as clams.

Weekly Photo Challenge – Colorful

Post-A-Day 2011:  Weekly Photo Challenge – Colorful

Forming a Routine

One of the hardest things, to me, about moving, is that all of the routines and “order” in my life kind of just go out the window.  I am a very routine-oriented person, and I have a very hard time when my routine(s) don’t go as I expect them to.  With the upheaval the girls and I have been through over the past couple of months, I have had to let go of my routines, take a few deep breaths, and go with the flow.

Letting go of routine was very hard for me.  I adjusted as well as I could, and I did pretty well for the most part.  There were a couple times, though, when I had complete meltdowns and felt like everything was falling apart.  Of course, though, as soon as I got it all out and gathered myself back together, I realized I was just letting my “out of control surroundings” get to me.

Now that we are settling in to our new life, I am finding that  it is time to establish some routines for us.  During the work-week, it is very easy – I get up at 4:30 a.m., go to work, come home, hang out, go to bed, and do it all again the next day.  The girls are still rocking their summer vacations and enjoying ever minute of it.  As the summer comes to a close, I am working towards getting myself into a routine that will work with the girls once school starts.  Of course, when that happens, I doubt I will still be working at 6:00 a.m., so we will be able to get into a routine that works for us.

The biggest lesson I am learning through this whole experience is to have patience.  Patience with myself and my OCD ways, patience with my life that is in turmoil, patience with my parents who are being so blessedly wonderful, and patience with my girls because their lives are in turmoil and they have been through major upheaval as well.

The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.
~ Hans Hofmann

Bad Day

Moving Day

Last week I moved.

It was a day that relieved a lot of stress and worry for me and many people around me. Even with that positive result, though, it was very bittersweet and difficult. I hate leaving the town I call home, the house I love, and the friends I have.

For now, I have a new home and I am jumping in with both feet to make a great life for the girls and me. It is merely the next chapter in the adventure book of life.

Them There People

My mom and dad are pretty laid back.  They like to relax, they’re not the hoity-toity type, and they love to be outside – working in the yard, golfing, camping, fishing, boating, whatever.

For Christmas, I gave them a portrait session that they could redeem whenever they wanted because the last portrait they had together was on their 25th anniversary.  They’re coming up on their 43rd.  I am sure we’ll accomplish it some time this summer, but the semi-formal portrait I make of them won’t necessarily be as accurate as this picture.

Mom and Dad

Last night, we were all sitting out by the pond enjoying blackberry margaritas.  The girls’ were unleaded, but ours weren’t, and they were yummy!  Anyway, after a while, I moved to sit across the pond from them.  I snapped this picture with my phone, and it demonstrates my parents perfectly.  When I am not here and I imagine them, this is how they look.  Comfy clothes, a glass of wine (margarita in this case), and hanging out together.

Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age.  

Looking Forward . . .

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes. ~ Marvel Post

Looking Back . . .

There is a reason your rearview mirror is so small and windshield is so big; Where you are headed is much more important than what’s been left behind.