Bittersweet Heartache

Today was the first day of school for all of our girlies, and they all had a wonderful day. This post, though, is not about the first day of school so much.

Today was the first day I had to admit completely that this wish of Emma’s was actually happening, that she was actually moving to Heppner to try living with her dad and step-mom. It was the first day where I had to face reality, and I avoided it as long as I possibly could.

I am excited for Emma to try this new adventure, and I am excited that she has the courage to try new things, even if they might seem a little scary. I am excited that she is getting the opportunity to live with her other family full-time ~ I am sure her brother and sister (Jess & Staci, too) are thrilled to have her there.

Here is a picture of Emma on her first day of Junior High. Staci sent it to me today.

Where you used to be, there is a hole in the
world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling
in at night. I miss you like hell. ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

Today was the first time EVER that I have not taken her to school on her first day, and I was fine with it most of the day. Work was crazy busy with new students, jammed lockers, and a million other little things, so I never really had time to think about it.

That is, until I got the e-mail this afternoon with this picture in it. I LOVE that Staci sent me this, and I LOVE that she is such a wonderful person. I hate that this picture reduced me to a blubbering idiot.

Facing reality really really sucks, there is no other way to put it. Right now I am wallowing in self-pity, trying to get over a broken heart that I knew was coming, but was unable to prevent.

Unfortunately, this is not a situation where I can just “put my big girl panties on and deal with it” like my mom always says. I will get through this, and I will be a better person for dealing with this emotional rollercoaster.

Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. ~Author Unknown

5 thoughts on “Bittersweet Heartache

  1. Misty says:

    Oh’ Man, Amy.
    I am SO sorry that you are feeling this way. I am so sorry that you had to give up your child for the school year. I am so sorry that you are sad, but you should be SO proud of her for having the courage to do this. I know you are, and I know that you know it, but she is an awesome, awesome girl, and she LOVES her Mommy. Miss her. Cry. And, remind her everyday that you are there for her! You will get through this, and you will be a stronger person for it. *Hugs* to you today.

  2. Lindsay says:

    Crying with you… and to think, we’ve never even met! šŸ™‚
    Sending a great big hug your way~

    “You’re Blessed… when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.” ~ Matthew 5

  3. MOM says:

    Let me tell you all….Amy’s Mommy did NOT tell her to get over it. Her Mommy held it together just long enough to tell Amy how proud I am of her and that I think she’s like to woman in the Bible who was willing to give her child away in order to spare him hurt. Then I hung up the phone and cried.

    My daughter is so brave, caring, and wonderful I just can’t tell you HOW VERY PROUD I am to call her my daughter and, most of all, my treasured friend.

    To those close enough to do so, please hug her for me. My heart is breaking that I can’t be there for my daughter. I can only watch with pride knowing I have been part of raising such a wonderful, brave, WISE woman….just like she is doing for Emma.

    Amy, take wonderful care of my “Amita” and continue to work toward helping your girls find their ways in the world.

    Love,
    Mom

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