I am revisiting THIS post from December 29.
Sometimes God calms the storm. At other times, he calms the sailor. And sometimes he makes us swim.
Today, I’m Not Drowning. I am definitely not swimming, either.
If you would have asked me how I was two or three days ago, I would have said I was not only swimming, but I was winning the race! The week before that, the answer would have been the same. I was doing great – I had found a direction and was starting along that path, and I felt confident. Unfortunately, now I am back to feeling lost – floundering in a sea with no land in sight with no buoy or life vest to help me. Lucky for me, there are so many people willing to throw me a rope and help me out of the riptide I was sinking under.
I know I have said many many times that I have a fantastic family, but I really do. I often feel as though I can’t explain just how much they mean to me and how much I depend on them. In addition to my family, I am blessed to have an amazing circle of friends. Each one of them lifts me up in ways I am sure are completely unknown to them, and I appreciate every single one of them.
I have my safe haven at Trickle Creek Corner, where I don’t have to be the strong person – where I can go and completely break down and come home feeling completely renewed and energized. The sounds of the laughter of my exquisite daughters and the gorgeous smiles on their faces can light the darkest room. In my friends, I have voices from my past and present that remind me that they’re there to throw me a rope to help pull me out of the water.
It has been a very very hard week for me, and in the process of getting beyond it, I have realized I cannot pretend to be the strong person who can handle anything anymore. It takes too much out of me. It takes away my patience with my family; it takes away much-needed sleep, and it takes away “me”.
I am trying to learn to ask for help. I am trying to learn that it is okay to be emotional. Most of all, I am trying to learn that it is okay to be weak and recognize it for what it is.
From this week on, whether God calms the storm, calms me, or makes me swim, I will do it with an open mind knowing that there is a reason for the journey He has set upon me and I will try my hardest to not let it feel like I’m drowning.